It's Over...

In a relationship, how do you guys say when it is over? And what are the things you would consider to say that it's really over? When you say it's over, is there no way of turning back?

These questions kept bugging me for months already. And how easily a guy's feeling for his lover fades considering that they've been together for almost 8 years.


*Photo credit to `TheTragicTruth-Of-Me of deviantart.

7 Deadly Sins in a Relationship

I read this in my friendster bulletin board and I thought of reposting this here in my blog. This is by Eddie Corbano.

1. Jealousy

In my opinion jealousy is one of the most negative and destructive emotions there is. Never will positive come out of jealousy.

It results from fear of loss and tenure and is strictly ego-based. It’s one of the greatest threats to a relationship.

A jealous partner can truly diminish your quality of life, and I’ve seen couples splitting up because of this, despite the fact that they love each other.

Overcoming jealousy is not so easy, but it must start at its roots. The only way is to work on your self-love, and to increase trust in your relationship. That is something you have to accomplish together.

2. Clinging

Clinging is clearly another manifestation of the fear of loss. It is the weaker “brother” of jealousy and manifests itself through different ways, seemingly through repeated reassurances of love.

You are convinced that you don’t deserve your partner, and cling to them verbally or literally. This is very often overwhelming, and will make the partner feel trapped.

Persons coming from a fresh, difficult break up or divorce very often tend to cling in their new relationships.

3. Lack of Respect and Inattentiveness

Every fulfilling relationship is based on mutual respect. Without respect there will be conflicts or even abuse.

Inattentiveness is a slow process, which can manifest after years in a relationship. This is taking the partner for granted, not making any efforts to maintain the relationship.

4. Wrong Ideas of a Relationship

What do you expect from a relationship, from your partner? Do you want to fulfill your childhood dream of the prince riding on the white horse, who will make all your problems go away at once?

Do you believe that a relationship is always the endless love of which songs and poems are singing about? Everything will work out on its own, if only you love enough?

If you believe all of this, then your relationship will fail. To know that you have to work in your relationship every day for your happiness is the key to success.

5. Having too high Expectations

Having too high expectations of a relationship right from the start will cause many problems. Not every man/girl is the love of your life and not every relationship is meant to be.

Know exactly what you are looking for in a partner, but don’t set the bar too high.Unrealistic expectations will eventually lead to self-induced discontent.

6. Losing Communication

Losing communication in a relationship is a silent killer. You only detect it when it’s almost too late. This is especially a problem in long term relationships of many years.There are many ways to fight this. If you have nothing to talk about, then the solution is, of course, to create new mutual interests you could have a discussion about.

If you do not have the time for long conversations, then set a fixed day in the week with one hour, where you really talk with each other (don’t forget to turn off the TV).

Communication is the key.

7. Lost in Routine

Ever been in a relationship where everything starts to get boring, because it’s always the same? The same talk, the same places you go, even the sex is always the same.

Well, the solution for this is obvious: break free! Create new opportunities, go to different places, meet new people, try something crazy together. The possibilities are endless, you just have to do it together.

Finally...

Last night, I gave in to my urge of calling Arven after I found out he made a new ym. I guess that was the last sign I was waiting for, so I have to confirm his feelings for me as well as my feelings so I wouldn't be thinking of waiting for him to come back. Ate my pride and stooped down on his level to beg for another chance, still...he didn't gave in. Was crying but it wasn't the same tears I had before for him. Even said he's already seeing someone now. Still, I wasn't intrigued. Hayz, after the conversation, I was still crying since it's finally over and I realized I already lost my feelings for him. Time will come that he'll realized he's thinking wrong about me. c",)

Realization

It's still unbelievable for me that our long term relationship's over. I really regret what I did that hurt him, if only I could turn back the time. If only he could give me a second chance.

It hurts me more knowing that he really didn't love me that much. That this incident showed me that our love's not that strong to face adversities in our relationship. Instead, his love for me faded and was replaced with anger. Though, I understand that. On the other hand, by this incident I realized that I really do love him which is painful because it's now one-sided. I can't seem to imagine myself with another man. I can't seem to love someone else again. T_T. But still, I have to try to go on living without him. He will always be in my heart.

On Getting Hurt

Finally, I felt what it feels like getting hurt. Though I've been hurt before but I can say it was just subtle. The recent pain I went through was terribly painful. Mixed emotions have been felt not knowing what to do and made impulsive acts in the process.

Now I understand the pain it feels. And now I realized that it is not best to make decisions when you're hurt or when you're mad like what other authors say. It is because you base your judgments on your emotions which is not healthy. You are making hasty and impulsive decisions. I've been in that stage. Was impulsive with my decisions and made stupid actions. And after the pain subsides, regrets from making such decisions set in.

When you're hurt, you only care about your feelings. You only see the side of you, you're welfare. You become emotionally blinded. You can't think rationally. In this time, you need social support like your family and friends to help you see the other side of the picture...not to judge and be bias in favor of you. They are there for support and give advices. But it doesn't mean then that their advises are the best. In the end it is only you who decide rationally with an open mind. Praying also helps a lot and surrendering yourself to God helps you in the grieving process.


*Photo by ~Miss Charon of deviantart.

Dreaming A Dead Person

"To dream of seeing the dead, living and happy, signifies you are letting wrong influences into your life, which will bring material loss if not corrected by the assumption of your own will force." - Dream Revealer

"Red - This is an indication of great passion and sensitivity in your emotional relationships." - Petrix

Two nights ago, I dreamt of seeing a dead person smiling at me with a red color in the background. That dead female's not my acquaintance but the moment I saw it in my dream, I sensed that it's a sign that it's already over. Although basing on the dream dictionary I researched online, it didn't tackle about ending. I'm confused.. Hehe. Although there were two of them but I didn't saw the face of the other one but I knew it's a dead person as well who is lying on the dead female's lap. I guess the dead body is the sign for ending. *Sob.

Hayz, I'm sad that it's finally over and I missed him so badly. I'm trying to be happy but deep down inside I'm in so much pain. T_T


*Photo by ~Cast-Down-Doll of Deviantart.

for these past few days, after the so-called break up, Arven and I still constantly communicate via text messaging. i was close to giving up my hope of us getting back. just yesterday, we talked personally and i guess we're getting back together. we're trying to fix things and honestly, it's hard. things have changed, it isn't the same as before. even he changed. he's not the usual expressive guy i knew. he honestly told me about it, that he finds it hard to trust me again and that the pain is still there. though he admitted that he still loves me, though it's lesser than before and he's scared to love me more. huhu.

i'm quite happy being with him again, though kinda sad because things are different now. i miss the old him. T_T.

it hurts a lot...

Loving too much...

I was crying my heart out since last night over this break up, geez! Can't accept the fact he's dumping me. Who wouldn't do that after all that I've done, right? I was hoping he'll changed his mind but unfortunately he didn't. He always emphasized how hurt he was and how stupid he thought he was. It hurts to hear him say he wanted to forget me and start a new life without me.

After all the begging and pleading I made, the urge of hurting myself set in. But my mom came in to the rescue. We talked about it. I told her my mistakes and that I don't want to let go of him. I repeatedly told her it was my mistake and I should make up for it. She advised me that we should talked about it and compromise. And I quote what she said...

"...Talk about it. Yes, it was your mistake but despite that, if he's still willing to accept you, hold on and go on with the relationship. But if he's not willing to accept the past, let go and move on. There's no point of holding on when he cannot accept it and doesn't love you anymore. You'll argue about it over and over again even until you'll get married. It's painful to accept but that's part of loving. You will get hurt in the process but if you really love someone, you'll endure the pain, forgive and forget, and love again. If he comes back, good for you; if not, then just accept it. Be brave! And didn't I tell you not to love too much?"

"...if he can't accept the past, he doesn't truly love you. Because if he does, he won't let go of you no matter what you've done and how painful it was."

Honestly, it was comforting to hear that from her. I didn't expect it thinking that she was insensitive, unapproachable, a nagger and biased. I've heard that advise from everyone, but it's just comforting and convincing hearing it from her. I never talked about my problems with her. After our conversation, I felt relieved though there's still pain but I'm trying to accept that we're over. Wait, is cool off the same as break up? Either way, I hope it's not final but I'm guessing it is.

I think I followed her advise not to love too much. But what happened? He even accused me for taking him for granted. Yeah right, I did feel too comfortable of his love. And because of that, I became the unfaithful gf and now we're over. Still I'm hoping he'll come back, but I think he won't since he wants to find his true love. As for him, I will always be the unfaithful gf but he will always be my one true love. Though I screwed up, huhu.

Haayz, gugma! Better luck next time, Crissy! Gosh, I'm still trying to hide the pain. SOB. T_T



*Photo by ~Xx-Eclise-Clarke-xX of deviantart.

i love you goodbye...

I was such a jerk...
Now I have to pay the price of seeing you go...
I want you back but you're now out of reach...

*Photo by ~magic-medicine of deviantart.

hurting inside

Hurting someone I love is the worst feeling I have...

the dilemma...

I'm now facing the consequences of my action...
Hoping that time will heal all wounds and heartaches...
Leaving a place for reconciliation...

*Photo by ~Maggot-of-the-form of deviantart.